Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Change

This economy keeps nipping at my heels. My husband spent 2 weeks looking for work after having his job re-defined and put on hold by a...dare I say...company that lacks character and integrity (that's putting it mildly, no great loss to me). He is a hard worker and very good at his trade, so he was able to get a side job as a crane operator building the bridge over Lake Lewisville to Little Elm. The pay is almost as good but benefits don't kick in for 6 months. The whole family is without insurance right now so far as I can tell, his former company isn't taking calls.

I had a plan when I quit my job months ago...school, student loans, more time with family, providing daycare for the sweetest twin baby boys with the added bonus of helping out a friend. All that has changed. Daycare is on hold as my friends divorce and custody battle ensues. I can only offer support and friendship for now...she will need plenty and she can have all I can give. I was going to work part-time at my old job to bring in extra money as needed...that hasn't been able to happen yet. No income for me right now.

I spend my days trying to get back to the basics, the things I use to be a pro at...laundry neatly folded and put away, family dinner cooked every night, peaceful daily scripture study, prayer with my children several times a day, having my special day each week where I taught my children (individually) to cook family dinner (some of the best times together).

You see, my work (the job I quit) was stressful, kept me away from family dinners, holidays, homework times. I wasn't able to nurture my family very well and little by little, I forgot how to do it the way I used to.

So here I am...a little lost...by myself much of the day trying to find ways to make the lives of those I love a little easier. The last time I was a full-time mom my house was full of life. I had 3-4 foster children at a time living with me (talk about tremendously difficult but rewarding work and Katie, I totally feel for you with the lice thing), my own 2, and then later 4, children to teach and love and I drove from West Valley City to Provo, Ut back and forth 4 days a week for class (went back to school, pre-med :-) and graduated from Brigham Young University with a BS).

I miss the days when I knew exactly what was suppose to happen every day, hour and minute. The many responsibilities, all very worthy endeavors, directed my every move and never left a quietness unless it was from a much appreciated prayer or from the child that finally fell asleep on my shoulder, sick and lying in my arms finally comforted. YES!!! I miss all that!

I worked hard to be a great wife, mother and daughter back then. I'm trying to re-group from my 8 years as a single...working...over-stressed.. inactive because I had to work on sunday (no excuse for how far I let myself slide)...mother, and I feel so lost. Don't get me wrong, I am glad to be back but I had no idea how much it cost me to be away and so stressed for so long. I only hope I can find my path....be able to serve others more fully again...and make up for lost opportunities to nurture the wonderful people around me.


1 comment:

  1. April,you are doing so well as you find your footing at home. I am so impressed by you, by all you are doing and becoming. I feel so blessed to know you-and to count you as a friend. Come over here for lunch, lets spend some time together!

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