I have had chronic pain drop me to my knees.
I have struggled with a child that asked, "mom, if something happened to me and I died, would you be sad?" I had this child reveal to me that she thinks about killing herself often. She boldly declared to classmates at school, "I wish (named with-held, but someone who bullies her) would die."
Another child has faced being "dumped" by a woman he wanted to be his eternal companion.
Yet another child (woman), advised she will be getting engaged soon, but she is scared because he is joining the Army Special Forces in june and she asked, "what if he dies, mom? He's my person. What would I do?"
I have cried so much the past months, culminating in a week long cry-fest. I had mornings that, upon waking, tears flowed down my cheeks and lasted days. This has left my husband scrambling for what he could to to help.
Feeling overwhelmed, I am beginning to grasp on to hope and empowerment.
I am cleaning out my closet, metaphorically speaking. I am trying to feel every feeling-good, bad, shameful, angry, PAINFUL (physically) and most often, grief.
I have tied a very large knot at the end of my rope and I am learning to swing on the rope back and forth, pulling and kicking my feet.....the sways get longer and longer and as they do, I am feeling a little joy, although it can be fleeting.
good night, I'll try and write more, these feelings should be expressed, felt and celebrated....they are my humanity, they are me on this journey.
