Humility

Step-sister's, the little one teaching the older one how to fish at the boat dock.

An hour ago, I stole a small moment with Megan, my eldest step-daughter, and expressed my love and concern for her. I told her how I've made mistakes over the years when dealing with issues with her and her sisters. I apologized. I felt painfully humble. She listened.

I might have been right in all the situations that produced conflict, but maybe not. Parenting, and especially step-parenting, is an imperfect dynamic. Do I care right now if I was right or not? No! I care that she survived her car accident, that she spent the day with her father and that she was polite and allowed me to express myself in a caring manner.

I feel like crying. Humility, it turns out, isn't about me, it's about love and all those things bigger than me. Being right has kept us estranged. Being lovingly sincere and expressing humility has brought us hope.

I pray I remember this deep feeling and the welling up inside of me that I feel right now. God bless you, Megan, we love you.

Comfort

I watched Dr Phil just now (yes, I watch Dr Phil, while I clean) and today's show made me sit down and really listen. There was a couple that was stuck in the grieving process in the drowning death of their young son that occured 2 years ago. The son was ironically named Tyler, just as my young son, and stirred some feelings from my own loss.

I remember the depth of the pain and loss of his little life. I remember about 4 days after his burial, desperately wanting to go to the cemetery and dig up his casket just to feel him one more time. Now don't think I went crazy in my grief. I didn't act on the impulse, I knew he wouldn't look the same (but I didn't care about that), I just didn't want to let go.

Frequent, drop-to-the-floor crying spells seemed to comfort me because it meant I was feeling my love for him. I have never felt such raw emotions. As despair tried to envelope me, I felt surrounded and lifted up by feelings of love. It was as if an army of angels circled their wagons around me and dug in for the duration.

I surrendered to my Heavenly Father's plan, and I let his angels protect and love me and lift me out of despair. Comfort and love came to me from every direction as if I was a most favored daughter of God and he would stop at nothing to show me his thanks for caring and loving his dear son, Tyler.

Such a pleasure it was to care for Tyler. Such a joy it was to love him. Such a gift wrapped up in so much pain. This life is so worth the journey.

oops

I haven't posted in awhile, oops.

Brooke is attending Fashion Camp at the Mower's home each week.  It is bringing out a very productive and creative side of her.  I'm loving that very much and am even getting inspired to take on some summer projects we can do together.  It's time to figure out how to use my new sewing machine.

Nathan and Crystal are lounging around on a house boat with their father and his family at Lake Powell.  I'm glad they get to spend such fun time together, love you guys!

Tim just started a new job with a very stable, good company and his favorite perk right now is running a crane that has air conditioning.  For the past couple months he didn't have such a perk. My husband had to work sun up to sun down, 6 days a week, in a metal box (crane) in direct sunlight with no AC. I suppose my relentless complaints about the Texas heat could be toned down a bit since I never had to work outside in it.

I am feeling like a rock-star Sunbeam teacher.  They can all be crying and afraid to come to Primary and before you know it, they all want to sit by me (or on my lap) and hold my hand and get excited about class.  I am so very grateful for the love my Heavenly Father blesses me with for children.